Within a two day period, two people basically referred to me as “obsessed.” Something inside me snapped and I thought to myself, “No way! Obsession is how you describe people who cannot control what they do or say!”
The first person referred to me as obsessed because I wanted to be in control of getting something done. I was in town for a limited time and I had a tally in my mind of what I wanted to accomplish. Leaving without taking care of it wasn’t an option. Although the promise was made that she would “take care” of getting it done for me, it wasn’t enough. I felt the urgent necessity to see it through from start to finish—on my own. Here is what I obviously believed to be true at the time. She wouldn’t do it fast enough. She might not get it done. She wouldn’t do it my way. Whatever my reasoning, I came across as obsessed. She was amused rather than offended and we shared a good laugh!
I went to dinner with a friend a few nights ago. Since I had just returned from a trip, I had quite an adventure to share. He wanted to listen and even encouraged me to tell him everything. During an entire dinner, I only shared a fraction of what I wanted to because I was so enthralled with getting it just right. Detail after flowery detail abounded, but I got to the final morsel of information and realized I hadn’t really told him anything of value. I had missed the meat—what he really wanted to know. On the way home, he told me that I am obsessed with details and he would be happy to just get the punch line. His constructive criticism was peppered with humor and I proceeded to practice answering his questions without the “fluff.” Him: “What did you eat for lunch?” Me: “Turkey.” Him: “What are you doing tomorrow?” Me: “Meeting.” Him: “Are you glad to be home?” Me: “Yes.” It was nearly impossible not to add that the turkey sandwich came from Subway where I ran into a friend. I would have liked to add that Subway is always out of spinach and the tomatoes were more white than red. Oh, and by the way, they were out of my favorite chips! Details bubbled up inside me and it was painful to give one word answers!
Now that I have been labeled by two people who have never spoken to each other, I am ready and willing to admit that I am no doubt, obsessed. I am obsessed with control and details. The real question is whether obsession is healthy or not. Were obsession a meal, would it look like fried chicken and all the fixings or would it better resemble a crispy veggie salad served with a side of fat free vinaigrette? I must take into consideration how I feel after the obsessive episode. Does it leave my brain feeling bloated and chubby? Sadly, yes.
I believe the root of my obsession is worry and insecurity. And as a believer, I understand that this kind of attitude not only destroys my quality of life, but is not appealing to God. After all, He did promise to take care of me in any and all circumstances.
“But my God shall supply all your needs according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 4:19
If I spend my time obsessing over control and details, I miss out on many of life’s simple blessings. My plan is to let God obsess over me and the particulars in my life. If He is going to supply all of my needs then my life will be overflowing with His love. My heart will be filled with God and good things and my obsessive nature will slowly fade.