I got saved young and was told to blindly obey my parents and all authortity. My parents and siblings are genetic psychopaths. Not criminals according to the world’s standards but the checklist written in 2 Tim 3:1-5 aptly describes them. By the way, this is nothing more than a birth defect (psychopathy) and can be seen on an MRI set up to check for this (see video on Youtube titled “I, Psychopath”).I’ve been extremely abused all of my life for this blind obeying. We do NOT help anyone by berating them after they’ve been abused by others, by telling them that they are now sinning against God.

God finally introduced himself to me decades after saving me. I wish that he’d never done this. I am now aware of the depths of rape done to my soul and that God still leaves me here, makes it that much worse.

I want to trade my salvation for freedom from rape. I want to be free of the truth of the Lord and be left alone by Him and by Satan. To so clearly see His truth through His word and to have no one to share it with. The depths of His word. To be tritely told to pray harder, work harder, do more. This is all a huge lie.

If I had just been given a “honeymoon” with the Lord when I was saved at Good News Club. A time to fellowship with Him and to learn to love Him because someone had pointed out some sweet scripture. But no. I was treated as so many are when first saved. We are led to the Lord and then told to Work, Work, Work! Serve, Serve, Serve! Lead others RIGHT NOW! HURRY UP! DO MORE!

There’s not one day of my life that was worth it now that I know the truth about evil. Not one day. I would trade all my “wisdom” for freedom from evil. Freedom from false guilt poured on me by people who are incapable of FEELING guilt. (MRI’s set up to check for psychopathy show that these people’s brains simply don’t process emotions such as love, empathy, gratefulness and guilt. THEY DO NOT FEEL GRATEFUL!) And just in case you don’t look this stuff up, people who’s brains function like this ALWAYS try to dominate/manipulate others and want to be worshipped. John 8:44 is another perfect Bible verse. JESUS HIMSELF told us what these people were. Did we think these type of people just disappeared?

So I married one of these people and gave birth to more. All the while trying to serve and give and learn and grow in the Lord. But God said no more at one point in my life. After a lifetime of abuse and working and being raped. He also, through His word, showed me what I was because He lived in my heart and what these evil ones are. When I finally read Proverbs 31, I realized WHY I had been the way I was. GOD GAVE ME HIS HEART TO SERVE HIM AND BE A BLESSING TO MY FAMILY. But in the hands of one who has the brain functioning of a psychopath, my heart was used to harm me and worship himself.

So please write an article telling those of us who no longer want to know and serve Jesus how to exchange our wisdom for cash. I want to be the most unwise person ever born and not have a lick of the wisdom poured on my head. I want a chance to erase all of the truth shown through His word. Or, I want ACKNOWLEDGEMENT by true Christians that evil is real, Satan is real and chruching it up or watering it down does not change it. That some things will never be “fixed” by humans because they were not meant to be. Pscyhopaths are BORN with their brains wired this way. God allowed this and although I don’t know all the reasons that He did, one thing that he HAS shown me is that they are the exact representation of the devil. There is NOTHING good in them. They only care about themselves and have nothing but contempt for others. The hierarchy is very important to a psychopath, just like in the demon relm where there are different levels. They are perpetually jockeying for postion (read “Lord Foulgrins Letters” by Randy Alcorn or “The Screwtape Letters” by C. S. Lewis).

I don’t want to know any of this. If I have to stay a Christian, I want to be trite and worthless and spout stupid jargon like, “All children are a flower and smell great!” or “Smile and the world smiles with you!”. TEACH ME HOW TO BE TRITE!!!!!!!

Oh, by the way, in case you have the incorrect impression that psychopaths are murderers or rapists, this is only the extreme end of the spectrum. The VAST marjority are everyday citizens who may be married with a seemingly normal life. But even if they never physically harm another, they are ALWAYS SOUL-DESTROYING to non-psychopaths. “Sanctuary for the abused” is a website that deals with some of the results or signs of an abuser. By the time we find these websites, we are often destroyed for life. Imagine if CHRISTIANS were the ones to finally help the world by explaining what psychopathy is, THROUGH GOD’S WORD?!

So teach me how to hide from God or unlearn what I was forced to learn. My fervent prayer is to never have been thought of to be born or that God will let me go back in time and be aborted. This is what God has done to one of his children. I pray for death constantly.