Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!
Psalm 139:23-24
We are good at convincing ourselves that everything is safe while bombs fall around us. We ignore peril and go about our lives as though there were no lions at our heels. We go to church, go to prayer as though our lives were well ordered, ignoring a pit of blackness within us.
We ought never trust our own judgment about ourselves. We are too comfortable with ourselves to accurately judge our flaws. Go visit a home in a foreign nation, you are likely to notice strong and unusual smells. Dwell in that home long enough and the smells go away. In truth nothing has changed, but familiarity has hidden the smells from you. In the same way familiarity will hide your sins. This is why we must seek the eyes of God.
Nothing is hidden from his sight. He already knows everything about your life. We might fear to pray like the Psalmist, afraid to see what darkness dwells within, what sinful things we might have to give up. But the heart of a saint seeks first and foremost the Lord and his righteousness. He is our delight so our desire is to have rooted out everything that would keep us from enjoying him. It is painful to cut away cancer from the body, it is painful to remove old, familiar sins. But to hold on to either one means death. Putting off sin means being free to experience more of the goodness of God.
Pray like the Psalmist. Seek the way everlasting. Ask God to look into your heart and tell you what he sees. When the Holy Spirit then begins convicting you of your sin, put that sin into his hands. Turn and repent and enjoy the fullness of the table of the Lord.
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This was an awesome post full of honesty and sincerity. There’s something painful at first but freeing when we allow God to show us ourselves.
Keep up the good work!