I am reading a book that deals with grief. Oh, not because I am grieving but because I want to be more informed on the grieving process and how I can come alongside a mourner.
I have suffered the loss of parents and members of their immediate families, so I know the deep unimaginable pain of grief.
I too, suffered the insensitive comments of ‘are you still grieving?’ – ‘get over it’ – ‘it is time to move on with your life’. Oh, really? So you have been there and dealt with this yourself and you did that, did you? You didn’t hurt for the one who died? You got over it really quickly and got on with your life? Mmmm…..it is not so easy for some.
There is no time-frame on grief! You do not wake up one morning and say, ‘I’m through with mourning, I’m ready to get on with my life’ because if it is a husband or a wife you have lost, along with their death you no longer have an identity. In a similar sense, separation or divorce also robs you of your identity. In the case of death you are no longer a husband or a wife, but you become a widow or widower, so at the very least you have a title. Separation or divorce is unfinished in a sense. What are you? You are single; it is just that you don’t feel single: not that being called a widow or widower causes you to feel any less alone.
So do-gooders, please be kind and thoughtful. Consider the emptiness in a grieving person’s life and if you cannot think of anything positive, kind or helpful to say, then please don’t say anything at all!
God comes alongside each one of us in our grief. He mourns with those who mourn. He cries with those who cry. You have the reassurance if you are a believer, that you will be reunited with your loved one again.
John 16:22 Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy.
Matthew 5:4 Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
2 Corinthians 1:3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. (NKJV)
Prayer: Abba we come to you for comfort, whether we are mourning a loved one’s death or we have trouble in our lives. We ask for Your peace and comfort and ask you to grant us strength to be all that we are needed to be. In Your grace and love, Amen.
Innisfil, Ontario, Canada
Author of Eleanor – A Stolen Childhood – in the process of publication.