I came across this journal entry today. I was greatly encouraged to be reminded of what God did. I pray that He uses this time from my life to encourage you as well.
My job seems to be a continual pattern of closed doors. I suppose I should rejoice, for this is an answer, but it is difficult when 8x in a year, the answer is no. My boss did a good job explaining why and I do not take it personally (and now have some areas to work on improving) but nonetheless, “no” is difficult to hear so often. The reason has been different each time, therefore my only conclusion can be that this is God’s will for me right now and that whatever state I am in, I must learn to be content (not simply for the sake of “doings” but because I know that no matter what state I’m in, He is with me).
“For I lead the blind in ways that they do not know, in paths that they have not gone, I guide them. I turn the rough places before them into level ground. These are the things I do; I do not forsake them.”
I’m not forsaken. Stuck behind the same door, stuck in the same room, stuck in limbo, I am not forsaken. Still wondering why and when, God is saying, “I’m here, I haven’t left you alone to figure this out on your own. I’m guiding. I’m leading. And I’m comforting.”
That must be and remain my comfort. If it is not then I start to question and accuse God. Job questioned God and was met by the all-powerful Creator. That all-powerful God is the same one holding back right now in my life. He’s the same one closing the doors in front of me. He’s the same one not opening other doors which I long to walk through. But, keeping this in perspective, I don’t deserve a new job. I don’t deserve better pay. I deserve hell.
And God opened the greatest door in all of eternity – the door to eternal life, rest and complete fulfillment in Him. With that in mind, how can I complain? In light of eternity, how can I question Him?
God has been so kind to me – eternally, immensely kind. He’s right now preparing a place for me – who once was a filthy, vile sinner and now has been justified not by my own merit, but by the righteousness of His Son. That’s why our lives are commanded to be a sacrifice of praise. I don’t want to sacrifice that right now. I want to lament. I want to cry.
But He says – NO!!! Grab your soul – arrest your mind and focus it on me. Don’t give in to the devil’s lie that you deserved this and I’m unkind in withholding it from you. Focus on truth – I loved you so much (and continue to love you) that I gave ALL for you – I sacrificed with JOY for your good. Rest there. Rejoice in that truth.
Let your conduct be the same as mine – offering up sacrifices of praise to God when your circumstances deem the opposite. That’s how I receive glory here – through yet another closed door. That’s where the world will see your differences and glorify me. Trust me, my child. I know what I’m doing.”